I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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