Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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