Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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