his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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