walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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