So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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