my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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