I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
