Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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