called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize