I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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