She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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