How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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