I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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