Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
