we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just pee around me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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