So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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