he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
