Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize