Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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