Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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