is your mom at the bar?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
