That's intense
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
