So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
