okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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