the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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