The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
