No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize