she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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