you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
