Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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