just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
