If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
