So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
