you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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