Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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