New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
