who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are a genius and a whore.
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