This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
