I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
