if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
