she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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