My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
