we have pet lesbian snakes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
