sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
