i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
