i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
