All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
