actually, I'm a sock model
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
