I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
