he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize