i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
