I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
