Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
