Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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