I'm so fucking centered right now
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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