Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
