pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
