brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You made out with two different species that night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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