it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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