I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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