Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
