This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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