We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
