She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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