we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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