you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
