What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
