I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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